I'm getting closer to getting my grant proposal done but I'm not spending enough time in the sun. So I'm going to work into the night and get this thing done then go exploring tomorrow, maybe down the coast or up to Cape Canaveral...whatever the day brings. This trip has been good for me, I really needed some time alone! Maybe I lived alone for too many years...don't get me wrong I love my family but I miss being able to do whatever I want with interruption. I also think it has helped me see just how important my family is to me. I have been on the edge of running for a long time away from what to where I have no clue but I have had this overwhelming feeling of being trapped-- boxed into a corner or something. I couldn't breathe. Now I feel like I'm ready to go back and I can give them the best of me.
On the weight loss front, I hope to see a loss when I get home. I've done really well eating or should I say not overeating. I really want to change this part of my life. I have said it a million time but it feels like I keep stopping myself...like if I get thin then I will have to completely rethink how I deal with other issues in my life. It keeps me thinking all the time. Will I go back to the old me if I lose this weight?
Its a weird feeling, I sometimes forget that I'm fat. I look in the mirror and I see who I want to see then the next day I look and all I see is the fat. What is wrong with me. I clothes, and shoes and looking nice. I buy this wonderful outfit and think it look wonderful then all of a sudden I try it on and damn its the ugliest thing I've ever seen and it makes me look like a I'm wearing a circus tent! Does this happen to anyone else...this false sense of self...this mirror that lies to me one day and tells me the truth the next???
1 comment:
Oh my goodness Sherri, I know exactly what you are talking about. I can look completely different later the same day. In fact, when I was at my top weight, I was in complete denial. I thought I had about 10 pounds to lose. I didn't realize I had 40! I know it seems minor, but it's strange how perception can totally change how we look in the mirror.
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