Memories

I haven't posted for awhile and it seems like everytime I do its because I'm upset and have no one to listen to me. My husband is void of all emotions!! The man never cries and thinks people that do are being foolish (or at least thats how he makes me feel). We went to my family camp yesterday afternoon when he finally got home from work. It should have been a wonderful time, but of course my Gram was there and I just couldn't handle it last night. She was more confused then normal because there were so many people there, so she was having trouble even focusing on my name and the fact that I have a baby. I really feel that it is too much for her to be in that kind of situation anymore.
I sat with her and we talked about my memories of the past and all that she used to do for my brother and I. She is the reason I love to cook, or for that matter, know anything femimine. My mom was a bit of a tomboy type. Gram listened like it was completely foreign to her. All she could say was thats good dear...with a blank stare in her eyes.
Don't get me wrong I cherish everyday that we still have with her but its like we are going through the greaving while she is still here. I miss her so much.
My brother has a hard time with it to...so in a strange way she has brought us closer together. We stood outside in the mist talking about it and crying!
So needless to say I had a very bad eating day yesterday. You think I am an emotional eater by any chance. I am back on plan today but now I am left with the bad taste my husband left in my mouth(so to speak). I really wanted him to see where i was coming from and be my shoulder to lean on....but all I got was just be happy she was there. I AM, DAMN IT! I JUST WANTED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!! To comfort me or baby me just this once! So yet again I was sitting up by myself hoping to find one of my friends to talk to. All though I never did find one I did get a quick note that made me smile for a few minutes. Thank you for that!!
This is the whole problem with my marriage. I alway feel like my emotions and thoughts are gettting dismissed! This is suppose to be a place of comfort. Instead I feel like a kid that he thinks doesn't know any better. I am an intelligent person, I don't need to be treated like I am stupid...why do I put up with this!!